This year I made a resolution to find more balance in my life. The older my kids get, the crazier I become. I feel like I'm being pulled 20 different directions. Moving to Virginia in November meant me leaving my job that I'd had for 5 years. I thought that this additional 20 hours of free time in my week would drag and be left empty and boring. OH HOW I WAS WRONG. Ever since then I feel like my children have grown up SO MUCH and demanded so much more attention. My daily activities now involve religious couponing, cooking, cleaning, play group, play dates, dr.'s appointments, miscellaneous errands and still tyring to have the energy to play with and teach my kiddos. I went from feeling "pretty on top of things" to feeling like my world was caving in around me. The last few months I have felt overwhelmed and incapable to handle parts of my life. I keep wondering when the real grown-up/mom is going to come in and tell me what to do.
This all needs to change however. It's time for me to transition into full-time mommy mode and out of "the world revolves around me" mode. Now, for those who know me (YOU know who you are!) You know this transition won't be easy for me. :)
Since moving, I've picked up teaching Zumba 2 nights a week and am completely loving it. I am obsessed with Zumba and it's so incredibly awesome to get paid to do something I love. It's also a nice break from my kids (note that driving 10 minutes alone in my car constitutes a "break"). Becoming a fitness instructor has been a goal of mine the last few years, and I finally went through with it while Jon was away this fall. I am also being trained to teach Step and Low Impact, so I'll be picking up an additional 2 classes a week soon. Exercise has always been a major stress reliever for me and I admit I'm obsessed. Herewith the problem lies of finding balance. Family and friends have talked to me about at what point exercise becomes unhealthy, and it seems to come down to when the importance of working out takes place over every other aspect of my day. I am truly trying to change my thoughts and behavior in this area but I'm
a: terrified
b: such a creature of habit
c: OCD
I would love thoughts and advice from anyone who feels they've found this balance between caring for your own needs and being the best possible mom you can be.
7 comments:
Hey Emily, sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. Just don't feel alone because this happens to everyone. Exercise might not be everyone's "vice" or what have you, but I think this is something every person struggles with-- putting too much emphasis in one area, how do I balance? And at least for me, it's NOT easy. I spend too much time with seminary, with email, Facebook, yada yada yada. For me it came down to looking at my kids while they're trying to get my attention as I'm so engrossed in the above activities and I could see/hear them BEGGING for more attention. And really, I signed up for this. They ARE my no.1 focus and they have every right to be at the top of my list. Every time. So I just have to physically put them there, at the top, and work everything else around them. Because when I sat down and took a serious look at things, I knew deep down that at the end of my life NOTHING would be as important as my family. Nothing in the world. So THAT needed to be my absolute #1. And now I have to do WHATEVER it takes to make my family my #1 success. That means putting my computer away so it's not easy to just sit down at while they're awake. It meant putting strict limits on my Seminary prep time, work out time, etc etc. I feel like this is going no-where and it's probably not helpful at all, but if you get nothing else, just know that you're not alone and yet it IS possible {and important} to improve. You can do it!! Go Emily!
Every person has some out-of-balance times! I felt that way for almost 2 years when I moved to Boise, got married, then was pregnant 6 months later, then moved to the in-laws while we were waiting for our house to close (which took 4 months). Finally when we closed we had the baby 2 weeks after that. My other kids had just started school and we had to renovate some of our house before moving in. Once we moved in all the holidays did me in! I felt like I was going to lose my cookies! I was trying so hard to balance all the kids, my hubby, a new house, and all the other "mom" duties I had. I literally had to take a step back and breathe for a minute and figure out what was important to me and what could wait. Of course, it came back to, time with my kids and hubby. I thought about them not being kids forever and them leaving me for college. But it made me put things in order.
I don't think that what I just wrote will help you in any way now that I'm done, but just know you're not alone! I think a lot of women (including myself) are scared to say it out loud that they are overwhelmed b/c we want to BE and DO everything! But we can't and it's ok.
I think finding balance is one of the great battles of life. Women, I think, are hit especially hard with messages like "Yes, you really can have it all - the fabulous career, incredible homemade meals, well adjusted kids, an enviable marriage, travel, fun, barbie figure..." etc. When it comes down to it, you just plain can't. And believing you can is what drives so many of us insane.
This year I sat down and really thought about what I value most and where I want to be in 5 or 10 years. I made a mental list of priorities and have tried to make choices in my day in accordance with those priorities.
It's a constant struggle. We're all in it. When I start to feel a tip in the scales I have to step back an re-examine my choices. Your values will always guide you in the direction you want to go.
Good grief, I sound like a Stephen Covey guest lecturer...
And don't be afraid to say "no" at the gym. They will do their best to suck you in, and who can blame them? You're fabulous.
Love you!
I feel the EXACT same way but I don't always have the guts to say it. I love how honest you are, and thanks for this post because it actually made ME feel better-- (I know you were looking for advice, so here's some for ya... YOU ARE AWESOME, DON'T EVER CHANGE!!!) Love you:)
I know what you need . . . a cruise to the western Caribbean somewhere around March 19th :)
I can totally relate with the exercise and life balance battle.
I am a marathon runner, which takes an incredible amount of time for training. Trying to juggle my passion, our daughter, and teaching can be quite overwhelming at times.
I decided that rather than sacrifice the time I have with Adah during the day, I would sacrifice my sleep so that I could get my training time in. So I get up before Adah does in the morning (5 am), exercise, shower, do whatever, and then I can enjoy my time with Adah without feeling short tempered, or stressed.
Best of luck with the balance journey. As many mentioned, it is a constant process of adjustment and readjustment.
E
I think you took a step in the right direction and that is trying to figure it out. Everyone sucks at it. I am a creature of habit too and you can't be like that and have balance because life changes every day and you have to change with it. I was having this talk with my mom too and reminded me that there is a time and season for everything. Its just hard not to look at other peoples lives and not think that they have it all together and accomplishing so much. I was also talking to my mom about how she always kept our house so clean. I said I just can't do that. She said you have made your priority to play with Logan and not clean as much. We just can't have it all because there is not enough hours in the day and enough of us to give. It is such a hard concept and something that I makes me want to cry and pull my hair out often. Hang in there girlie you are an amazing mother and wife and you accomplish a lot!
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